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May. 9th, 2010


logic is the harder beast to overcome. emotion and want, desire, are the two that often conquer the beast of logic, reason or logic, the everlasting battle of mind over thought, brain over heart-- the metaphorical heart; the heart doesn't break, only the mind's desires, the body's need, must i abolish this need? cut off my senses of touch, sight, taste, smell, sound- i feel you, hear you, see you, smell you, taste you- no longer- cut, like a knife to a new opening- a new business- a new business for me, a business of logic, the weaker beast- what do you want when you are confused, emotionally, figuratively FUCKED beyond all repair, what do you desire when the touch of a lover hasn't graced you in so long- a forgotten feeling, forgotten love, forgotten desire, but no desire is forgotten or lost,. no desire fails the heart, mind, body, of a lover, a loner, a lost mind, where does the soul find its place here? does the soul have desire other than faith? is faith all the keeps the soul alive? does faith alone keep the soul there, breathing, feeling, striving for the greater good?answers come through in times of low thought- the days writing just flows from the body to paper, from body, hand, ink, to paper, the blank pages fill slowly, quickly, with low thought process, the soul desires for writing, expression, or is it the figurative heart filling like a balloon finally popping after what feels like a lifetime of such a block in writing a block in expression due to fear of judgment- a lost fear who came back like a bastard child or emotions. you are my bastard child or love love- only felt in the mind- the mind is he center of logic, is it logical to love you? is it logical to love at all? mind over matter, logic over love, right, right? is there logic to emotion? why did your charm fade? the cute that you had, as though cute is a noun inwhich you possess, intangible, like love, a noun to express who you were to express your charm, to give it a name, with the loss of innocense, you lost your cute, your charm, we lost the flame, celibacy brought me closer to you- made me trust you, prvocativity tore me from you- mistrust you, i need freedom from you, from this, from guilt, what am i even saying anymore? i've lost my train of thought...

these words are lies and truths, logical and insane
polar opposites to perfectly explain the complexities of the mind.



^i wrote that, just like that, the other day. i don't know what the hell was wrong with me.

Aug. 19th, 2009


I'm so scared. I can't even fathom how I'd feel had I actually gone to LSMSA like I wanted to last year.
I'm already tired of the people. I'm so awkward and I hate it.

I'm thinking about not doing dancing this year. It's too much with band practice and dancing on Thursdays.
I'm probably going to Homecoming. I'm still unsure of if I want to or not. Quite frankly, I could find better ways to spend my night than to spend it with people I don't like.
I want my computer back. I want him fixed. I need him fixed.
I'm probably getting out of gifted English next year. I don't think I'll be able to handle it.

Jul. 21st, 2009

oh my love for the first time in my life

my eyes are wide open

I broke my laptop a few weeks ago. The screen has a few cracks. It'll cost about $200 to fix it.
This is the last week of my summer.
I went see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince when it came out.
I went to Blue Bayou this past weekend.
I'm soon going to start floating in and out of humanity just waiting for the next time I see Ryan.
I still haven't done my summer reading shit. i need to do that this week, before band camp consumes my life.
I've been told I'm doing well on mellophone so far. I really do like the instrument. I like it a lot more than flute.
Bert McCracken (The Used), Max Bemis (Say Anything), and John Lennon have some of the most beautiful voices.
I'm tired of freezing my ass off on my mom's computer.
I've done absolutely nothing worth my time this summer except spend time with Ryan. I wouldn't take a second of that back, but I just wish I had done a little more.

Please God, please don't let school start.

Jun. 16th, 2009

Your choice-

So I just read back on most of my entries on here-
And I realized it's been seven weeks since I've posted on here-

So, an update:
School's out, of course. (horray)
Going to HL in a little over a month. (not sure whether to say yay or nay to that)
I've got a mellophone that I should be trying to learn.
I need to rearrange my room again.
I hate being home all the time.
I've gotten back to my typical summer sleeping schedule.
My braces are probably getting taken off next month. (huge boo to that)
My rodent probably hates me cause I like the warmth.
I need to study algebra.
I need to read that book.

And most importantly;
I've got an amazing human that I can call mine. and today made two month. Well technically yesterday. ha
he's pretty much great. and i very much love him, kay? kay.

Apr. 25th, 2009

Writer's Block: LiveJournal Book Club

Out of all of your favorite books, pick just one you'd recommend everyone read. As a bonus: why did you pick that one?
I'd have to say Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill. It's probably not my ultimate favorite book, but it really is a great book. It's interesting.

Apr. 19th, 2009

/Spring Break

So uhm, Spring Break is over, apparently.
I must say that this was indeed the most shocking Spring Break I've ever had.
We found out my dad's got leukemia- just to put that out there, finally. No, I haven't cried. Yes, I'm okay. Yes, I'm sure he'll be okay. Yes, prayers are welcome. No, I do not, absolutely do NOT want sympathy. I have prayed. My family has prayed. Many people have prayed. And we all continue to pray. I'm sure God will fix this all up. (:

Also, I have a boyfriend. Which is actually kind of strange to me, since I haven't had a boyfriend in nearly ten months. Ryan makes me happy happy(: And he's younger than me, you guys. Isn't THAT strange? haha. (:

I currently have a headache because it's Sunday.
I'm going dry my hair then fall asleep for a while- kbye.


Apr. 7th, 2009

Writer's Block: Seven Days

Which day of the week do you least look forward to? And which one do you most anticipate?
I least look forward to Sundays and Mondays. They're both horrid days
I most anticipate Saturday. A complete day to myself to do whatever I want.

Mar. 29th, 2009

Iiii just waaaaant tooooo fly!

I'm a happy camper.

Really, I am(:

A human makes me happy.(: extremely happy. :D
Problem A was solved, horray.
Next Saturday will be good, hopefully
Last Saturday was rly good.
I'm fifteen. <--Ohehmgee
Music is beautiful, kaythanks.
I feel the urge to write, but I don't know what to say. <--somehow, that's good. I can't write if I'm feelin' good.
I rearranged my room again, so much more convenient.
I bought a supersexy yellow belt with the very little money I got for my birthday.

Bad things:
I haven't gotten my science fair stuff back, so I still don't know if I can even do my insanely easy project.
My joker poster wont stay on my freakin' wall.
I got hardly anything for my birthday. (All I got was $20 from Nanny Nell, $10 from Grandma Anna, and Swedish Fish from Mrs. Plaisance.) (I did get to see Dylan last weekend though(:)

Kayso, I'm still debating what I'm going to be doing this summer besides sleeping. I'm thinking about taking a math class somewhere, but I don't know. Maybe work, a little, depending on the T-shirt stuff.

That is all^.

Jan. 14th, 2009

Writer's Block: Back to School

What fictional high school—from tv, film, or a book—would you most like to attend? Or would you rather never go near high school again, fictional or otherwise?
I'd love to go to Rydell High.
I'd also like the high school from Cry Baby- does anyone know the name of that school? Was it ever mentioned?
Hogwarts would be interesting too. (:

Jan. 6th, 2009

Writer's Block: Prepared Answer

What kind of dog (counting mixes and mutts) gets your vote as the champion of dogs?
I'd probably like it if someone asked me if I wanted to run away with them- and actually mean it.
Or maybe something like "Would you like to be my world?"
I'm really lame. (:

On a more serious note-
I got my new schedule today. Aweyeah.
Personally, I love my schedule.
First period- band with salmon
Second period- at the moment, PE
Third period- World History with Pitre
Fourth peroid- Physical Science with Aucoin.

Highfive for half-decent schedule. aweyeah. :p

I have an ortho appointment Thursday. Aweyeah.

And Byron called me beautiful. Which is amazing- and managed to make me cry. Why? because I'm the most hopefully, naive, ignorant, love-sick child I know. Basically, I'm pathetic. But that's okay-

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